


Pregnant in Purgatory

by bellacatbee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Castiel, Drabble Collection, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Castiel, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellacatbee/pseuds/bellacatbee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel knows he has to run, and keep running, because he isn't alone in Purgatory. He doesn't just need to keep Dean safe. He needs to protect their baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A series of drabbles where Castiel was pregnant in purgatory/season eight. First posted on tumblr.

The first thing Castiel thinks when he hears Dean’s voice is ‘ _no_ ’.

He has been running for months. He left Dean because it was the safest thing to do. Castiel was hunted and he was weakened. He couldn’t be the angel on Dean’s shoulder, protecting him, when he was in danger himself. Dean wasn’t supposed to look for him.

He wasn’t supposed to find him.

Castiel knows that Dean has been praying. He’s heard him begging for an answer, begging for Castiel to come back but Castiel couldn’t do that.

He is a dead weight. He could only slow Dean down, especially in his condition.

Dean is supposed to leave him behind. Dean is supposed to get away, to escape and return to Sam. He’s not supposed to do this.

Dean looks so happy to see him and it breaks Castiel’s heart.

He wants to run, wants to flit away but he’s too tired and now that Dean is near again, Castiel doesn’t have to strength to leave him. He loves him too much. He did what he did for Dean’s own good but sometimes Castiel is selfish. He’s selfish now.

“You look good,” Dean says and Castiel can’t understand how that’s even possible.

He’s filthy. Dean is the one who looks good. He’s the one who looks handsome under the layers of dirt.

The hug Dean gives him is unexpected. Castiel stands still, his arms rigid at his sides. He wants to hug Dean back but he won’t let himself. Any moment now, Dean will notice the change in him. Any moment now he’ll feel that something is there that wasn’t there before.

Dean presses closes and Castiel hears his gasp of surprise.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks quickly. “Cas, your stomach…”

Castiel almost laughs. He knows he shouldn’t. Given his track record, Dean is right to be worried. The last time Castiel’s body looked like this, he was carrying Leviathan.

“It’s a baby, only a baby,” he says, wondering if the words will be at all reassuring to Dean.

Dean continues to look at him with fear in his eyes.

“Who’s?” he asks.

Castiel sees clearly what Dean suspects, what he fears. He fears that while Castiel has been alone out here, some monster has come slinking by to bury its seed inside him.

Castiel’s mouth his dry. He doesn’t know how to tell Dean he was pregnant before they ever came to purgatory. He isn’t sure how to say that their last night on earth was responsible for this. They both thought they were going to die fighting the Leviathans. Neither of them had ever planned that what they were doing would create a new life.

He finds his voice after a long, tense pause.

He says, “It’s yours.”

Dean fists a hand in his dirty hair and kisses Castiel as if he’s a drowning man. He clings to him as if Castiel is his last hope. This time, Castiel can’t stop himself from clinging back.

He can’t stay with Dean. He can’t make him carry this burden too, but for the moment he pretends that everything will be okay.

He knows Dean needs this now.


	2. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is jealous of Benny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that these are drabbles and very loosely tied together. There isn't really a time-frame for them.

Castiel doesn’t want to tell the vampire about the baby. He doesn’t like him.

It’s embarrassing but Castiel is jealous. He wants to cling to Dean, to keep him all for himself. He doesn’t want to share him. He knows, eventually, he’ll have to let Dean go and it’s good that Dean has a friend, someone who can support him after Castiel is gone.

His body is just flooded with hormones.

He wants Dean close by. Dean is the father of the little baby growing inside him. Castiel feels secure when Dean is with him. He feels good in a way he hasn’t felt in months.

When the vampire is around, Castiel bristles.

Dean says they should tell Benny about the baby. That he needs to know.

Castiel understands what Dean is really saying. He wants Benny to watch out for Castiel, to treat him as if he isn’t a warrior with thousands of years of experience. Castiel does not need help from a vampire. He was protecting himself and their child before Dean found him. He can do it again after Dean leaves.

He promises Dean they’ll tell Benny when the time is right but it never is. He plans to keep it that way.

**

“You’re pregnant,” Benny says.

He and Castiel are attempting to bed down, facing away from each other. Castiel’s shoulders are hunched. Dean insisted he take this watch and the two of them get some rest. Castiel hates the idea of sleeping when Dean isn’t there with him. He hates it even more now Benny is trying to make conversation.

“So what if I am?” Castiel asks angrily. “Did Dean tell you?”

“No, I can just tell,” Benny says. “Two heartbeats.”

Castiel puts a hand on his stomach. He takes a deep breath. He knows that the baby is alive. He feels it moving within him. His grace is wrapped tight around the baby, shielding it from all the dangers of purgatory. Even so, hearing that Benny can hear both their heartbeats is reassuring.

“So, you’ve known all along?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, but I know Dean wants to tell me. I don’t want to spoil his fun,” Benny says.

Castiel knows that he’s smiling.

“I’ll let Dean tell you tomorrow, act surprised,” he says.


	3. Chapter 3

They bed down for the night between the roots of an old, gnarled tree. The roots have sprouted up from the earth and they provide a little hollow to hide in. Dean is exhausted, he can hardly keep his eyes open but he can’t sleep. He can feel Castiel fidgeting beside him. He tosses and turns, this way and that, unable to get comfortable. 

"What is it?" Dean whispers.

"The baby keeps moving. I can’t find a position that doesn’t hurt," Castiel mutters back irritably. 

"Here, I think I’ve got a trick that might help," Dean says. He rolls over and pushes Castiel’s scrubs up, revealing his bump.

Castiel looks down at him, raising an eyebrow. “Dean, if you’re thinking about sex…” 

"No, I’m not," Dean says softly.

He hums gently, trying to get the pitch right and then starts to sign. He sings quietly, keeping his voice down. They’re not alone. Anyone could be listening for them and Dean doesn’t want to lead any monsters straight to them. He sings “Hey Jude” because his mom used to sing that to him when he was little. He hopes it works for his baby. 

Castiel sighs softly. 

"I think she’s settling," he says.

"It’s a girl?" Dean asks, breaking off mid-verse. 

Castiel glares at him.

"Keep singing," he demands.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sex. 
> 
> The tense is also different. I apologize for that. As I said, I've written these drabbles on tumblr, sometimes months apart.

They found the cave by chance. It was set far back in the craggy hillside. They were getting closer to the escape route Benny had promised but it would still be many days trek before they got there. Dean needed to rest. He knew that Castiel needed to stop to, even if he’d keep trying to push on. Castiel was trying so hard not to slow them up. Dean was proud of him but he didn’t want Castiel to push himself too much.

Benny offered to take watch. Dean would have suggested it but he was glad he didn’t have to. Benny was proving to be a better ally than Dean had imagined. He kept waiting for something to happen, for Benny to prove himself the bloodsucker he was, but the more time they spent together, the more he suspected that Benny was trustworthy.

Castiel took off his coat gingerly to make a blanket for the two of them as Dean grabbed some twigs and moss, striking two rocks together until he finally got a spark and a fire going. It was only a little thing. They couldn’t afford to call attention to themselves, but it was enough to provide them a little extra warmth as they huddled together.

 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

He could see the dark circles under Castiel’s eyes, could hear his heavy, tired breathing.

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I’m fine, Dean.”

Dean pushed Castiel’s old, tattered and ratty hospital scrubs up just enough so that he could see his stomach. Castiel’s bump was still small. They’d only had a few stolen moments together before they’d taken on Dick Roman. Dean hadn’t imagined those moments would be enough but they had been.

When he’d found Castiel again, at the water’s edge, he’d known immediately. Even dirty and unshaven, Castiel had had a glow about him. When Dean had hugged him and felt the little swell of his stomach, it had only confirmed the truth.

“And the baby?” he asked.

“Also fine,” Castiel said.

He looked exhausted now but he pushed himself up on his elbows, a smile playing across his lips. Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone more beautiful. He knew why Castiel had kept away from him. Castiel was hunted. He was a danger to Dean but Dean hated knowing that Castiel had been out there alone for so long, especially in his condition.

“You know I’m going to get you both out of here, don’t you?” he asked, moving so he could press a kiss to Castiel’s stomach.

Castiel wriggled.

“I know,” he said.

He shifted again, his cheeks slightly pink. Castiel’s hospital scrubs didn’t hide anything and right now it was easy for Dean to see that he was half-hard.

Castiel sighed irritably.

“It’s you,” he complained. “You’re so close and my body doesn’t seem to understand that we’re in danger. I just want you!”

Dean chuckled, pressing another kiss to Castiel’s stomach.

“It’s okay,” he said, reaching to hook his fingers into the waistband of Castiel’s slacks. He pulled them down, the underwear Castiel had on too and was rewarded by Castiel’s cock bobbing free. They were always on guard, there wasn’t time to do everything Dean wanted to do, not time to map out every bit of Castiel’s newly pregnant figure or slowly, fully, make love to him. He could do that once they’d made it home.

There was time, however, for him to make Castiel feel good.

He leant forward and licked a long strip up the length of Castiel’s cock. Castiel gasped loudly then clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Yeah, we don’t want Benny to hear us,” Dean said, grinning.

Benny had to know what was going on between the two of them. He gave Dean these private moments alone with Castiel and Dean was grateful to him for that.

Castiel grabbed a handful of Dean’s hair with his free hand and tugged, trying to guide Dean back towards his cock. Castiel was completely hard now, his cock straining. It didn’t surprise Dean that Castiel got hard so quickly or enjoyed it so much. Castiel had always been starved for touch, he’d always been happiest when Dean was paying attention to him. Now they were running all day, they hardly got to touch at all. Castiel needed this so much. He needed the physical intimacy and connection they hadn’t been able to have in such a long time and Dean needed it too.

He sucked on Castiel’s cock, drawing it deep into his mouth. He didn’t try to do any tricks. He didn’t show off. He just got down to giving Castiel the best blow-job he could, the bob of his head steady and continuous. He wanted Castiel to feel good. Now wasn’t the time for playing around, for making things last or making Castiel come unexpectedly because Dean had decided to deep throat him. Now was just the time for making sure Castiel was sated and happy.

Castiel’s fingers tightened in his hair. Castiel gasped softly. Dean knew he was close. He knew all of Castiel’s tells. He kept sucking and swallowed when Castiel came, his moans muffled by own hand.

He let Castiel’s soft cock slip from between his lips and helped to pull up Castiel’s pants.

Castiel looked at him, smiling softly.

“Do you want me to…?” he trailed off but he Dean knew what he was offering.

“No, I don’t need that,” he said, moving so he could curl up next to Castiel, his hand pressed to Castiel’s stomach. “I just want you to be okay.”

“I am, I’m with you,” Castiel said, turning his head so he could kiss Dean.

“Get some sleep, Cas,” Dean said quietly. “We’ll need to get moving pretty early tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow would be another day, another day filled with danger, another day closer to their escape. Dean already knew he’d do anything to protect Castiel and their child. They were going to make it out of Purgatory. All of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time jump in this installment. 
> 
> This is post-Purgatory.

Castiel can’t tell Dean how he escaped Purgatory. He doesn’t remember. He tries, he really does, but there’s just a blank where his memory should be.

Castiel cleans himself up, standing under the lukewarm water of the motel shower, his eyes tight shut until Sam knocks on the bathroom door and lets himself in, bringing Castiel a fresh change of clothes. 

He pulls on the familiar suit and trench-coat, newly laundered, and feels thankful that they’ve always been a little loose. His body is changing and Castiel doesn’t want anyone to know. 

Dean shifts in his chair when Castiel steps out of the bathroom. His eyes sweep over Castiel and there’s a hunger in them, a desire that Castiel remembers well. His heart aches. Dean was supposed to leave him behind. Dean was supposed to move on with his life. 

He wasn’t supposed to still want Castiel. He wasn’t supposed to love him. 

Sam notices the change in the atmosphere and makes some excuse about getting something from the car. As soon as the motel door shuts behind him, Dean is up and out of his seat. He wraps his arms around Castiel and holds him close.

Castiel hesitates for a moment and then returns the embrace.

"I thought I’d never see you again," Dean mumbles, his voice muffled from where his head is buried in Castiel’s shoulder.

"Dean…" Castiel begins. He doesn’t know where to start. There’s so much to say and he doesn’t want to begin. 

Dean pulls back, looking at him searchingly.

"Cas, the baby…is it? Are you?"

Castiel knows what Dean is trying to ask. Purgatory was not a safe place for anyone, let alone an unborn child. 

He stays silent, letting Dean draw his own conclusions from his lack of reply. It’s better for both of them if Dean believes the baby died. Castiel is certain of that, although he doesn’t know why. 

Dean’s eyes cloud with pain and he drags Castiel close once again.

"I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry. I should never have left you in that place." 

Castiel blinks in surprise. He might not remember everything but he remembers that.

Dean didn’t leave him behind. 

It was Castiel choice to stay. His choice to let go. 

He opens his mouth to say that, to remind Dean of the truth but the door handle rattles and Dean steps away. Sam is back, smiling and nervous. He knows he’s interrupting but he can’t stand outside forever waiting for Castiel and Dean to sort themselves out.

They all know there’d never be enough time for that.


	6. Chapter 6

_I did not leave you._

Dean remembers those words; he remembers his conviction and his guilt. He could never have left Castiel behind. He’d looked for him, searched for him even when he already had a way out and once he’d found him, Dean had never wanted to let him go.

What they’d done together in purgatory, what they’d created together; it had haunted him every day since.

Castiel chose to say or so he said. He was the one who let go.

Even so, Dean feels some sense of relief when the first blow comes. It doesn’t matter what Castiel told him happened, Dean still feels as if he abandoned him and their baby down there. He should have held on tighter. He should have made Castiel go.

Castiel never mentioned the baby when he came back and Dean didn’t know how to ask him.

The second blow knocks some sense into him.

This isn’t Castiel.

Dean’s known something was off but he’s dismissed it, pushed it aside because Castiel kept disappearing, kept reappearing and Dean didn’t want to push him away.

He ends up bloody and broken, kneeling in front of Castiel. He sees the glint of the blade in Castiel’s hand, knows that this is the end.

He can’t let Castiel do this. Dean knows that if Castiel goes through with this, if he slides that blade home, it will kill Castiel as much as it kills Dean.

“Cas, this isn’t you.”

He struggles to get the words out. His face is swollen, he can hardly see out of one eye and there’s blood in his mouth but Dean forces himself to speak. He needs to get through to Castiel. He needs to stop him.

He reaches out tentatively, trying to touch Castiel. He has some idea, crazy as it seems, that if he can just grab Castiel’s hand then he can snap him out of this.

His vision isn’t any good and his balance is shot. He misses Castiel’s hand and he finds himself pressing his palm to Castiel’s stomach. He feels it all at once – the warmth of Castiel’s body, the swell of his stomach and Castiel’s clothes conceal a hell of a lot. Their baby didn’t get lost down in purgatory, their baby is growing here and now inside of Castiel.

Castiel shudders.

“I love you,” Dean says with determination.

“Don’t,” Castiel hisses.

“I love you,” Dean says again.

The blade topples from Castiel’s hand, clattering on the floor. Castiel looks at him with wide eyes.

“Dean,” he says, his fingers reaching out.

Dean flinches, he doesn’t mean to but he does. Castiel’s fingers brush over his face, cupping his cheek and in a flash the pain is gone.

“Dean,” Castiel says again and he sounds so broken. He collapses to his knees and Dean draws him close to him, kissing his hair and holding him.

“I love you,” he says over and over again because it’s important. He doesn’t know what was controlling Castiel, he doesn’t know if he’s cured or if this is the calm before the storm for the two of them, but he wants Castiel to know that he never has to doubt Dean’s feelings.

“I love you too,” Castiel says. He sounds as if he finds strength in those words.

“Our baby…” Dean can’t find the words to continue. His child isn’t dead.

“Our baby,” Castiel agrees, nodding. “I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to tell you but every time I tried…”

“Tell me now,” Dean says. “Tell me what happened, Cas. Tell me who’s been controlling you.”

Castiel closes his eyes, leans his forehead against Dean’s and in a hushed voice, starts to tell him the whole story.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final update for today. 
> 
> I want to finish the drabble set - including Cas and Dean reuniting and Metatron's plans requiring a Nephilim but it may take a little while. Thanks for being patient with me.

Castiel is on the run when the baby is born. 

He has the angel tablet with him and now a baby to protect too.

It hurts. Every moment of her birth is agony, his grace splitting in two, her newly formed soul being forged from the memory of her father’s. Castiel has to cut himself open to free her and he hesitates.

He can withstand the pain. He has withstood opening purgatory, swallowing down all those souls. He’s died three times. He can deal with delivering his own child but he still feels weak, dizzy afterwards. 

He holds his daughter to him, listening to her cries and kisses her sweet little nose, her forehead, unable to believe she survived.

He thinks of calling Dean, then remembers how he had to leave him. Castiel had to go, had to keep the tablet safe and away from Naomi’s hands, out of the demons’ clutches.

If he calls Dean, Dean will only tell him to come home. 

He heals himself slowly and cleans up his little girl. 

He names her Laylah in deference to his angelic sister who protects those in childbirth, and because he heard the name in a song once that Dean likes. 

He hums, lulling his daughter to sleep and then collapses in exhaustion himself. 

He only wants to return to Dean but there is still so much work to be done.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how long this took to update. I've been suffering from bad writers block, but better late than never, right?

When Castiel appeared on the road in front of them, Dean thought he was going to have a heart attack. It was only made worse when he stopped the car, jumped out and heard the sound of a baby crying. Castiel was slumped across the tarmac, bleeding from his stomach and clutched tight in his arms was their baby. 

Dean had held her for the first time that night, tried to quiet her crying then passed her to Sam so he could help Castiel into the back seat of the Impala. He’d seen Castiel bleeding before, seen him injured, but never like this. Castiel could heal himself but his strength seemed to have been sapped. 

At first, Dean thought Castiel must have just given birth but when he got them back to the bunker, once Castiel’s wound was wrapped up and Castiel himself was put to bed, he examined his little daughter. It was obvious she wasn’t a new born. She had to be a few weeks old at least. Castiel hadn’t even come to him, hadn’t even left him some kind of message to tell him he was a father now. 

Sam went to fetch diapers and formula, while Dean held the little baby in his arms and rocked her.

He was angry at Castiel, furiously, heartbrokenly angry but he was overwhelmed with love for his little daughter. He had always wanted to be a father, had tried his hardest with Emma and Ben and had thought that his chances were all behind him. The little girl in his arms was beautiful, perfect but that didn’t make it any easier to forgive Castiel for running away, for staying away for so long. 

Sam returned with the supplies and Dean got down to the serious work of being a father, slapping a diaper on the kid before letting her fall asleep on his chest. 

“Why does he always do this?” he muttered, stroking his fingers down his daughters back, smiling as she cooed softly in her sleep. “Why does Castiel always think he has to do this on his own? One of these days, he’s going to go too far. He’s going to do something stupid and I’m not going to be there to bail him out.”

It was an empty threat and Dean knew it. Castiel had already done something stupid, something so monumentally stupid that by all rights Dean should never have forgiven him but he had. He’d forgiven him for opening Purgatory, forgiven him for breaking Sam’s wall and letting the Leviathan go free. If he could forgive him those things, he would end up forgiving him for running again. 

It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be angry for a while though. 

He and Castiel were family. They had a daughter together. Castiel should have come to him, should have known Dean would protect him. Dean would do anything to keep his family safe.

“Can I hold her now?” Sam asked, interrupting Dean from his thoughts. Dean knew he’d been there, but Sam had been quiet, letting him contemplate, letting him bond with his baby girl. 

Now he wanted to fawn over his niece. 

“You got to hold her in the car,” Dean objected.

“Dean, that wasn’t a proper cuddle! She was crying and Cas was hurt,” Sam said, holding his arms out.

Dean relented and passed the baby over. She fidgeted but after a moment settled in Sam’s strong arms. She looked so tiny when he held her. It made Dean realize just how fragile she really was. 

“She probably has a name,” he said quietly. “I’ll ask Cas when he wakes up.”

Sam nodded.

“Dean, I know…I know what Cas did wasn’t fair, but don’t be too hard on him,” he said. “He’s Cas.”

Dean sighed. 

“Yeah, but I can’t keep doing this, Sam. Not now, not when we’ve got the baby. It’s got to change.” 

They owed it to their daughter to change.


End file.
